Anonymous said: [cousin has cancer anon] no I haven't talked to him.. he lives far.. 6 hours away.. It's almost my other cousins wedding and I hope at her wedding, he's alive..

Hey dear, 

I hope so too. Does he have an email or phone number you can contact him? Social media? Letter? Text? I just think it might help to talk to him and be able to connect with him through this hard time. 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: I wish I had someone all to myself. Not like a significant other or anything of the sort, but like a friend I don't have to worry about leaving me. Anyone I try to befriend likes my other friends better than me. I'm just giving up on friendship and socialization.

Hey dear, 

That’s really hard. I was the same way most of my life, especially in high school and middle school. It was even harder because I’m weird, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m a weirdo!! So a lot of people didn’t like me all throughout school. It took me until my late teens (16-19) and into my early twenties, where I am now, to find people who liked me for me and enjoyed being around me. I gave up for awhile too, but the truth is, there are 7.1 billion people on this planet and trust me when I say you will find someone who enjoys you as much as you enjoy them. It just may take time, so give yourself that. 

Are you in college or planning on going to college in the future. This is the one place where I find you make the most lasting friendships, especially when you start taking classes that are major-specific. For example: a lot of my college friends, like our admin Alex, are in the same general field of study as myself, so I find that we have a lot more in common. In college there are clubs and activities you can do that are specific to your field of study, so you can meet more people who are just like you :) 

What I’m trying to say, is that it may not happen right now. You may not find friends RIGHT now, but you will. Some things take time and this is one of them. Don’t give up hope because there are people out there for you! 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: I feel like shit right now and I just really want to die. Today there was a thing at my church to help with the smaller kids, like a party for them, and because of Halloween the guy (music leader) told us to dress up. Well we had a prior engagement but he needed help so we rushed from the other thing as soon as it was done and ran home to put on a costume. Since I have a panda hat/ beanie type thing I decided to paint my face like a panda, well on the way there my anxiety kicked in and I thought

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Anonymous said: What if no one else is wearing a costume? My brother assured me that they would be and is have nothing to worry about. We get there and literally no one else had a costume and then when they saw me they laughed and that is my worst nightmare. I feel so insecure in my body anyway because I'm overweight but refuse to eat infront of people so I only eat like tow small meals a day and I'm really uncomfortable and like 5 people came out and laughed and I started crying infront of them and now I just

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Anonymous said: Want to die. They guy who told us to dress up says he forgot but my brother texted him earlier and asked him if the other costume he was planning would be okay. Like even one of my "friends" laughed and I feel like shit and I had a blade in my bag so I cut my stomach and then continued to cry and the cute music leader guy came out and I unlocked my car and let him talk to me because he gave me puppy dog eyes and I felt like a big baby because he came out and told me it wasn't a big deal, but to

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Anonymous said: Me it is a big deal. My whole world came crashing down and I want to die. Am I just being a huge baby about it? Even my brother said it wasn't a big deal but I don't even have anyone to talk to about it and I just want to cut everywhere now which I haven't done in almost 5 months

Hey lovely, 

Wow that’s really hard! No, I do not think you are overreacting at all. I mean, technically, I never thing anyone is overreacting because I believe all emotions and feelings are valid. It’s how we respond to them that counts. It sounds like it was a hard night and not fair at all. 

Those people were really immature about it. If I was there, I would have told you that you looked adorable. This one year at school I dressed up and no one else did. I got laughed at, but later I started telling people they were just jealous they weren’t cool enough to pull off a costume. I’m sure you looked amazing :) 

Let yourself cry though. When things hurt our feelings, it’s okay to cry and sometimes it takes a few moments to calm down. Think about this in the grand scheme of things, okay? A week or two weeks from now, how much is this going to matter? A year from now, how much is this going to matter? 10 years from now?? The truth is, that these things hurt a LOT, but only in the moment. When we calm down, we are able to think more clearly and not be as upset about it. So give yourself time to calm down. You’re going to be okay <3 This is just one bad moment in a sea of all your life moments that have happened and are yet to happen. It doesn’t have to affect and/or impact you unless you allow it. 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: Joy, hey I don't know if you remember me but I was the anon that said my friend died in a car crash.. Uhh I just found out that my cousin who has cancer might die, the doctor said that.. He's about 30 or 20? I hate all of this.. I lose everyone d e a t h w i s e ...

Hey lovely, 

I remember you. How are you holding up with the news that your cousin is at a high risk? Have you gotten a chance to talk to him and see how he is feeling/dealing with the news? 

I think it’s very natural for you too feel overwhelmed and like you “lose everyone.” I remember a time in my life where I felt the same way. In less than 2 years, I lost 12 people, some family and some friends. It was very hard and I entered a dark place in my life where I didn’t want to have contact with anyone because I feared I would lose them. It took a while for me to come to a conclusion about losing people—it’s part of life.

Everyone dies and everyone goes at different times. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s very unexpected and it hurts. This is okay. You’re allowed to hurt because you are losing people. However, just because everyone dies, doesn’t mean that new people don’t enter your life. Almost 3 years ago, I lost my best friend to suicide. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I began to withdrawal from people. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or have a relationship with anyone. I went to the crisis unit locally in town and that’s when I met my roommate at the time, Amanda. We became best friends and to this day, we are still best friends. It was amazing because I had just lost someone, someone dear to me, yet I found someone else that could not replace that person, but fill the hole that my friend had left. 

That’s the good thing about life. There is nothing I can do or say to make what is happening any easier. I can’t bring people back and I can’t cure them. If I could, love, I promise I would. But I can tell you, from experience, that people will enter your life and that hole that death has left won’t be so large anymore. 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: I have so many friends but I still feel alone..

Hello lovely,

I know this feeling is a horrible feeling, believe me I do. But you are so loved and so cared for - someday you will not feel this way anymore. I’d suggest spending time with people, but making time for yourself too. Don’t isolate yourself, that is the worst thing you can do in this situation. I love you, I’m here for you and like you said, you have a lot of friends who are there to support you. Stay strong lovely,

Meg





Anonymous said: I want to work out but I feel like a disgusting fatass if I do. I even feel embarrassed if I just do it alone.

Hey lovely, 

I honestly know this feeling. It’s really hard to exercise, especially if you are out-of-shape, because a lot of negative emotions come along with it. What have you been doing to exercise? For me, it helps to find something I actually enjoy. For example, I love sports and being outside. So for exercising, I can play soccer or go to the park with my dog. This way, it feels less like “exercising” and more like fun. I also think swimming is a good one to try because it’s very relaxing. 

Do you have any hobbies you could engage in that would be healthy for you and promoting exercise, but feel more like fun? We can try to brainstorm some ideas together! 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: When I was 10, my parents constantly faught, if I walked into the room I would be yelled at, I was constantly threatened to be sent to a girls home or foster care. The age of 10 is the first time I thought about suicide, it was clear my own parents didn't want me. I thought if they wanted to get rid of me, I could take care of that and end my life. Now that I'm 17, I still remember those days clearly and am scared to love someone, or except love from someone.

I want to start off by telling you that i am so sorry that you had to experience that. And want to tell you that no matter what you are wanted and you are loved. I also want to tell you how proud of you I am for making it to where you are now just how you wrote tells me that you have come a long long way since you were 10.

Are you scared because you are afraid to be hurt or are you scared that if you do except the love or give the love that you will become like your parents. Its going to be hard honey but the solution is convincing and truly believing wholeheartedly that you are worthy of love and that you deserve it. By holding onto the core belief that you are not wanted you will never truly be able to accept love. I should know. Ive used it several times today and in my posts, but we only accept the love we think we deserve. 

Forgive. You are worthy and you deserve to give love and be loved. 

With Hope, 

Lindsey 





Anonymous said: (Wished to never tell anon) Because someone I didn't intend to get involved with me said that my self harm worries him. It makes me feel helpless and a problem that I need to be constantly watched and checked one.

Hey love, 

Have you tried thinking about this in a different light? Instead of thinking “I’m a problem because this person is worried,” think—this person cares about me. They value me as a friend and human, which is why they worry. People don’t worry about those they care nothing for, so him worrying is proof he cares about me. 


Yes, it’s definitely hard when you feel like a burden on others, but the truth is, this person WANTS to help you and wants to be a part of your journey to recovery. That’s not a bad thing, lovely. It’s proof that you are worth love and care. Instead of thinking about it negatively, try to turn it around <3 You matter. 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: 1/2 I'm hurting so much, and confused. I love my parents, I know they love me. They don't always know how to show it because how they grew up. My mom tells me she loves me each day, and my dad does everything in his power to provide for me. That much I am grateful for, but they have also been emotionally abusive and caused a lot of damaged, I have been beaten with a belt over silly things, pushed around, made to feel stupid, medically neglected, and watched my parents fight for years.

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Anonymous said: 2/2 it's hard because I really do love them, but that doesn't change the fact that they have hurt me. Doesn't hanged the fact I have depression, anxiety, and I self harm. Because of them I'm terrified to ever love someone, or let someone love me. Not just guys, people in general. I don't know what to do, my emotions are everywhere. It's to hard for me to comprehend how I can love two people who have hurt me the most in life. They have done and said things that will affect me for ever.

Most of the time parents parent as they were parented. The belt just a form of corporal punishment, and at the time they believe they are only using it as a discipline tool and they dont see that it truly effects you emotionally. 

You love them because they are your parents. There is no rhyme or reason to why we love people that hurt us, and it sucks, because you try try try not to love them but you can’t help it. Its okay to love them, but it is also okay to hate them because of the pain that they have caused you. Once you get older you may just get angry and hate them, but i promise you that it isnt worth it sweetie and i encourage you to work towards forgiving them once you get out of the house. Many colleges offer counseling services and that is when the hatred may start to emerge. I encourage you to see professional help when you turn 18 if you dont want to ask for it now. They can help you work through these issues and it will help with the depression, anxiety, and self harm as well. 

I can understand not wanting to let anyone really get close to you and love you because if i could guess you are really afraid of two things. Them hurting you, or you are afraid that you will hurt them like your parents hurt you. i have one comment to that “We accept the love we think we deserve”. I cant promise that you will not get hurt in love again, but i can promise you that there is someone out there that will love you, care for you, protect you, and never intentionally hurt you. 

With Hope, 

Lindsey 





Anonymous said: I wish I never told anyone about my self harm.

Why lovely? What happened that has made you wish this? 

You’re worth recovery, 

Joy





Anonymous said: So I have this friend type person, idk I've known her since she was born pretty much and we've seen each other on and off since then like at least twice or three times a year but usually more but recently she's been coming to my youth group with her twin sister who I'm like just as close to well anyway my "friend" went in front of everyone and said she was 10 months clean which I understand she's happy but she also said one time before that she tried to kill herself and maybe it's just me but

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